Burger Quest – Lunchbox Laboratory

Let's keep it real, Seattle isn't exactly known for its junk food.  Given my eating habits, that's a good thing.  But no matter where you are, you’ve got to have your spot when you are jonesing for some something unhealthy. 

For a while, I was on a mission to find the closest thing to authentic New York pizza that I could find in Seattle.  It doesn’t exist. Honorable mentions go to Piecora and Zeek’s (which isn’t even New York style, but just the best that Seattle has to offer), but there was no winner.

But a good cheeseburger has become my junk food of choice.  Pizza is primarily a carb.  It takes a lot to get truly full.  Plus, you really want that dense bloated feeling when you’re done bingeing to send you off into a pleasant food-induced coma.  This is where a burger really shines.  My preferred toppings are blue cheese and bacon.  I love to complete the meal with a side of onion rings, but sometimes that’s a little too much grease, so I’ll scale it back down to just french-fries.

Seattle actually has some good options for the burger connoisseur.  Palace Kitchen  and The Metropolitan Grill are two of the city’s top restaurants and top burgers.  If you want something slightly less upscale, Jak’s Grill and XXX Rootbeer will do the trick.  Sadly, I had to take Red Mill off the list.  Many people, me included, would argue that they are the city’s best, but something in their ingredient list sets off my allergies.

Not on the list are Two Bells (just a little too heavy), Burgermaster (it’s just greasy), Kid Valley (great sides, generic burgers), and Dick’s Drive In.  I have a special annoyance for Dick’s burgers because so many people born and raised in the area swear by them.  I finally figured out why.  At some point in every Dick’s burgers lover’s youth, either in high school or college, they’ve gone out with some friends and gotten wasted.  At two in the morning, the options for grub were limited, but Dick’s Drive In was open.  When the excess alcohol, nasty burger, and youthful ignorance mixed, a bond was formed between the restaurant and patron that will never be broken.

Today’s adventure was the Lunchbox Laboratory in Ballard.  I read a review in the Seattle Weekly about this place about a year ago and knew I needed to check it out for myself. Their tagline is ‘the art and science of American comfort food’.  The hype about this little hole in the wall is that they make great burgers, but are wildly experimentive in their ingredients, seasonings, and toppings.  Case in point, their menu includes a burger composed of duck and pork called the dork burger.  For my meal, I went with a Hothead; a burger with bacon, pepper jack cheese, and a jalapeno mustard.  For my side of tatter tots, I selected Habenero Fire mustard and Satan’s Tears ketchup from the list of 8 special condiments.  These are not to be confused with the 20-something freely available bottles of ketchup, mustard, and hot sauce that they themselves did not hand craft.

So how did this burger stack up?  It’s kind of hard to say.  First off, this place is not for the health conscious.  The pile of bacon I pulled off my burger so I could actually bite it was more than I’ve eaten all year (ok, it’s only January.  But seriously, it was a lot!).  I ordered the diminutive quarter pound burger (half pound is the standard size) and couldn’t finish my meal.  Ultimately I’d recommend this place to any burger lover.  The burger was delicious, the seasonings were distinct, and the side dishes were plentiful.   However, because they have such a wild array of flavors, you’ll probably never order the same burger twice and definitely never order just a plain cheese burger.  Thus it will never be the place you go to for that burger you know and love.

So, after waxing poetic for so long about the best burgers in seattle, what is my current favorite?  The Blue Ribbon Burger at Red Robin.  Yeah, I know.  I’m pretty embarrassed to admit I’m going with a national casual dining chain, but it’s really that good.  And if I could only eat one junk food meal, it’s definitely what I’d go with.  But hey, the burger quest continues.  Who knows who will be the one to top it.

Links

Lunchbox Laboratory on UrbanSpoon (the Lunchbox Laboratory site does not seem to work): http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/1/335763/restaurant/Ballard/Lunchbox-Laboratory-Seattle

Seattle Weekly Review:  http://www.seattleweekly.com/2008-05-14/food/lunchbox-laboratory-lab-coat-necessary.php

Seattle Metropolitan Magazine’s List of Best Burgers in Seattle: http://www.seattlemet.com/issues/archives/articles/bars-0509/